Blurry future when I finished my study, of tanam anggur (pengangguran) lol, and rectify a friendship

I will start first with my current update throughout month of August until November 2021. 

August, by mid of the month I had submitted my final year project titled " The Integrity of JAKIM in Conducting Halal Viral Issues", and undergone Viva presentation. It went smooth with minor correction, just to correct some wording. 

September 10,  my final semester result came out and I got 3.67, with the cumulative grade points average of 3.80, which means I got Vice Chancellor Award huhu, and first class degree. Alhamdulillah.

October, worked for a week at RASA, roti john's staff. and would say the darkest moment of my life, got depressed so bad and emotionally unstable with the 'stupidest action' that I did. and to the point of suicidal thought :) , glad I persevered with my support circle (family and friends), coalesce and syuwanas . remembered too about my call with shuk on which I confided to him regarding my stress problem, and health matters. He told me to hang on and recall my words of affirmation daily, and of course the highest point of our reliance is to seek forgiveness to Allah The Almighty. I am kind of lost in entertainment that I found myself forgot to turn to Him, our biggest hope.

November, nothing much, anxiety come and go. but can be maintained, recovered my mental health slowly but surely by the end of this month, and hate that when I am in a relationship with someone that I don't love, no matter how many times I try to develop the feelings, I could not. It's just a sympathy. Really need to do something about this and end it properly. 

By the way, I called Aidil today, and apologized to him regarding of our matter not inviting him to mini vacation in sekinchan. feel relieved and happy he understood, but at least I explained the truth and be transparent. I don't want our friendship to be broken, we had studied in the same university for 3 1/2 years. It's precious.